Part-Time Monster

Typically, if I'm out walking, and I find myself walking behind a lone woman, I slow down, so that she starts to pull away from me, and I maintain that pace until a path presents itself that allows me to return to my normal cadence without overtaking her.

But this morning, I was in a hurry. And the woman walking in front of me was busily doing something with her cell phone. So I glued myself to the far side of the sidewalk, focused straight ahead, and walked. For a moment I thought that I was going to make it, and that I'd be able to simply stride past her without incident. No such luck. Her spider-sense went off when I was about five feet behind her, and she whirled around in obvious alarm.

Rather than acknowledge her, I simply pushed on to my destination.

I was suddenly tired. And annoyed.

I understand that I'm not the one who suddenly had a looming dark shape appear not much more than arm's length away. I understand that if I don't like dealing with people's fear responses, then I have to take the responsibility to do things that don't trigger that response. I understand that being reminded of why I often try to avoid suddenly coming up on people like that is miles better than suddenly realizing that a potential threat is just off your flank.

But sometimes, all of the energy that goes into trying to seem non-threatening just seems to be wasted. I don't get anything out of it but delays and frustration. And it never ends. For any of us.