Both Ways

For all that I like to think of myself as an observer of the world around me, and at least somewhat attentive to it, I am left with the realization that because I can't ever genuinely know what other people are thinking, I won't ever actually understand the world. And that's something of a frustration, I think, because I have difficulty letting go of the idea that the world is an understandable place. At least in part.

I am, more or less, at peace with the idea that the world around me will often present as "random." The myriad interactions of people and organizations that shape the world occur mostly out of my sight, and so when their impacts reach me, I understand that I am seeing the effects of hidden causes. But it's more difficult than it should be, I think, to shake the idea that the effects link strongly enough to the causes that I should be able to work backwards and paint the picture.

It's strange, to understand that one both believes something and understands it to be false at the same time. I realize that one of those impulses is fictitious, but I can never seem to settle on which one. I suppose it's because I've never really needed to. It's a hedged bet where I've never actually been forced to commit one way or the other. And I think that a lot of things in life work this way. On theory, they don't make any sense, but in practice, it doesn't really matter.