What's Love Got To Do With It?

The article started thusly: "Sara met her future husband when she was 18. He struggled with drug and alcohol addiction, but Sara thought marriage would change him for the better. It didn’t."

Why, I wondered, did she think it would? And "Sara" isn't alone in thinking this way. An acquaintance of mine that I've know for some time also has the understanding that marrying "the right woman" would be the solution to aspects of his personality and behavior that he finds difficult. I'm just as unclear on why this seems to be the best solution to him, too.

To be only slightly snarky about the whole thing, I'm not always sure what two happy, well-adjusted and high-functioning people receive from being married. The idea that marriage can fix preexisting addictions or other conditions that have otherwise withstood the relationship itself (not to mention all of the other connections of a person's life) strikes me as odd, even though I perfectly understand the public commitment aspect of the entire enterprise. I also understand the idea that making a public commitment to self-improvement can be a driver of said improvements. But most people aren't really all that good at living up to a commitment, just because they made it in public... otherwise, one suspects that there would far fewer failed marriages.

But this, I suppose, is the thing about not being anything approaching a romantic. For me, outside of the massive cakes and the intricate bridal dresses, a wedding is simply another ceremony, not much different than a graduation or a ribbon-cutting. They're simply life events, rather than life-changing events.

But it's not as if the belief that marriage can change a person markedly for the better is rare. Holding on to that belied serves a lot of people, and it must be serving some of them quite well, otherwise, they wouldn't so readily teach it to others. And I don't want to rain on that particular parade, even if there seems to be difficulties at the end of it for most people. But still, it's something that I'd like to understand more about, even if only to understand if people find it to be worthwhile in the end.