Genuineness

There are, perhaps paradoxically, a number of ways for a person to be authentic. They can show themselves to others as they really are, for example, or the way they present themselves to others can be real, for another. Of course, when written out this way, they appear to be the same, but when someone requests authenticity from another person, "I want you to show yourself to me as you really are," and "I want the you that I'm seeing to be real" can be very different.

And I think that many people don't really understand the difference between the two of them, leading others to engage in deception in the name of authenticity. I had a friend, some time back, who appeared to wear her emotions on her sleeves, in full view of everyone, yet was convinced that she was adept at hiding them. Her open responses to things that she didn't approve of or found unusual lead to people putting in quite a bit of work to convince her that the persons they presented as were authentic, even if, the moment she was out of sight and earshot, they became someone completely different.

Authenticity and judgement do not mix when there are consequences involved. If I need or desire a person to be a certain way, and they need something from me, I cannot hope to ask them to be authentic with much real hope of success. I am likely to communicate what I want from them, and they are likely to be attentive to the signs that I am doing so.

In this sense, perhaps the best practice in cultivating authenticity and letting people who they are is to surround oneself with people who need nothing from you, such that there is no punishment for failing to live up to standards.