Life on the Inside

So there's an interesting article on The Atlantic about how common notions of masculinity are stifling. Like the others that I've read, it's written by a woman. There's no real problem with that, as many women are excellent writers. Every so often I come across a critique of masculinity from a transgender man. But what seems missing from the materials, at least the ones that I've read, is a critique of what it's like to be a man, written by someone who's always lived it. I presume that they're out there, and that some work on my Google-Fu would turn up one or a hundred of them, but they seems to be missing from the media outlets that I typically read. My working theory is that I don't spend time on feminist media; maybe that's where the action is. I don't know whether or not that's accurate, but it makes sense to me because so much of the discussion seems to center on the gender/sex relations aspect of the whole thing.

In my own understanding, masculinity as a fortress that kept women out is falling by the wayside. It's not completely dead, and it may never be, but it's not as powerful and idea as it used to be. But, at least in my own understanding, it's still a prison that keeps men in. And while I'm not really a fan of that, in the end, I don't mind the life of an inmate. In other words, I more or less conform to a fairly broad notion of what it means to be "a man," even if I've taken a pass on drinking beer, watching football or driving pickup trucks. I'm perhaps more in touch with a nurturing side of myself than fits the general stereotype; after all, I was a psychology major in college, and I spent four and half years as a child care worker, a profession where being nurturing was a necessary skill. But I don't think of myself as being anywhere near as tuned into to people's emotional states as women are typically described as, and listening to someone talk about a problem, rather than rushing in with a fix, takes effort on my part.

I'm fortunate, I think, in that I don't move in circles where really strong gender-role expectations in either direction are the order of the day. While I've never been very invested in proving that I can out-man anyone, I do have a bad habit of not backing down from challenges; which can be a problem in and of itself. Likewise, I don't have to prove to anyone how non-conformist I am, which is also nice. If settling into a comfortable, but conforming, role is like living in a small town, I'm the person who genuinely likes it there, and somewhat resents the more well-traveled calling them out for their lack of broader experience.

But by the same token, I feel that I honestly do understand that masculinity can be a prison, and so while I may be perfectly content to hang around within the walls, I get that it's not for everyone, and I'm perfectly happy to assist other people in jailbreaks. As long as they're okay with me waving goodby to them from the walls.