Sunday, June 29, 2008

God Loves a Busy-Body

"I think God is going to destroy this nation, not just ... California. Look at all our jobs, our jobs are going overseas. God is judging this nation. It's going to get worse."
Born-again Christian Bill Hampsmire
Because everyone knows that given all of the things that America has done throughout its history it's this one thing that would get God's attention, and that He prefers Pagans and the stridently anti-religious to Christians who simply have better things to do than meddle in their neighbor's love lives...

Sachiel: Mankind has founded a new nation, America, and say they will devote it to God.
Zeruel: Great news!
Sachiel: Yes, truly. I shall observe them, and see how they progress.
God: As you do so, Sachiel, tell me of their doings.

Sachiel: It seems that they are bent on removing the native population from valuable land, using force or disease on those who refuse to leave.
God: Let them be. That is nothing to be concerned with. The Natives do not revere Me. It is better that the righteous have the land.

Sachiel: They have adopted the practice of wholesale enslavement of their fellow humans, buying and selling them like cattle, and destroying their families.
God: I fail to see the problem here, as they have removed those enslaved from a pagan continent and introduced them to My worship.

Sachiel: Now they have developed horrific weapons of war, harnessing the power of the atom, and deployed them against the civilian populations of their enemies.
God: Such is the way of things. Shinto is a tool of the Adversary*.

Zeruel: Hello, Sachiel! You seem to be in a better mood today.
Sachiel: Things are looking up. America has abandoned the acts of their past, and is starting to grant its people the freedom to love who they will, and recognition of their unions.
God: How dare they! I shall punish them sorely for this affront. They shall be unemployed, their livelihoods given over to pagan Hindus and anti-religious Communists.
Sachiel: Sigh. Friend Zeruel, have you Lucifer's e-mail address? I should see if he's taking résumés.

* This was the position of the Portuguese, who set out to eradicate Shinto, seeing its superficial resemblance to Christianity as proof that it had been created by Satan to lead the Japanese astray.

No comments: