Thursday, April 5, 2018


There are, I think, only two ways to be free of fear. You can understand that you have the power to change what frightens you, or you can understand that you have the power to deal with the consequences of not changing it.

I am not fearless. While I understand that my control of the world is limited, and thus I have very little by way of the power to change things, part of me is a control freak, who charts a path to acceptance of the world through being able to dictate to it. But the world does not owe me anything. It was here first, and so it need not listen to me. But its disobedience causes me a certain amount of anxiety, because I am not always confident of my ability to survive its adversities.

Which is something of a curious thing. I am after all, nearly 50 years old. I have dealt with, to quote a song, trials and tribulations, heartache and pain. Survived it all. Yet, there is still that nagging feeling that tomorrow, something so catastrophic that I won't be able to do anything with it may happen. I understand how fear can be a survival trait, but I also understand that most of the things that trigger my fear response simply raise my blood pressure to no good end.

I have come to understand how my attachment to things results in needless anxiety. But I have also come to understand just how difficult that selfsame attachment is to break. I don't know if I'll ever master it, but I'd like to. Because then, I will have become fearless. And it will be glorious.

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